i gave you a thought // of how lovely are you

i tell you how much i felt apart:

from secrets of you and my own heart too.

Dawn must always recur
to touch fingers finding meaning
placing puzzle pieces in locked spaces.

i tell you how lovely you are & how much
i placed you inside within my secrets — oh how
i ran in circles to tear me apart.

You tell me secrets and i ask questions oh how
erasing blindness from an eye inflamed by hearts
— who says it easy:

// by ignorant thoughts \

i was just guessing and how equations meet
meaning as love haunts souls there is no
reason within physical science — no one says
they love depserate conclusions of the dark
so we work within circles
so we run within circles
so we part between heart and soul

no one said it’d be this hard.
so life takes us back to the start
to rewind Life.

I placed puzzles and pieces together
and wrote numbers and science to haunt me
and felt how time whispered how it is not easy
so i find myself oh myself finding myself
going back to my heart.

ooh yes. back to the start.

:: 02.01.2021 ::

LOVE me — drain dreams
of kids who lost love___
whip dogs snarling
who you feed with a hand
when your mood changes
whip the woman who loves you
you’re sick and can’t help it
now you walk in society
and people smell your sickness

Hmm. Hmm.
smells like wet leather

God asks, “what are you?”
You say, “a dangerous whore“
and where i am walking steps
counting my seconds and laughing
cause the world is sick like me…
yeah.

We ask for more — not me, not you
but them ; those mourners
who hate life like a service
beating a drum — crushing my skull

ooh, like my mind going numb
and we sing the same song
between the spaces of silence
sound of Heaven as a bell.

SHE wanted a party
so monsters came
they drank and smoked
and laughed for days

She took out the garbage
I saw her — she was 95
pounds and looked smaller
than a thought of life

They tied her up!
I heard inside my small room
they took her away
then started raping her

I left my room and went
into the evil things
they were doing
angry men threw me away

Against the wall

and took my neck
“let us have fun
and you’ll live”

I passed out_____
against the wall
where my blood painted
depression and horror.

Waking up, i took her
virginian slims cigarette
and smoked one and never
was the same.

Then a few days later a bright
light came into my room
and i saw something outside
my window ~~ something not us

:: 03.19.2023 ::

ATE my heart in a hearth
beneath a mound of dirt

I spent my days
drinking wine

Miss the love
whose hair was
like flowers as you

I’m the one who wants
to be with you

I’m the one who wants
to love you for you

Let all be reveal

Do you feel it?
To feel it. So strong.
Enough ~~ we took enough

pain, like life

My love we’re young
even so I think of you
i’ve learned alot
really knew love hurts

Now sailing seas
going away ~~

:: 03172024 ::

TONIGHT the storm’s fierce lightning

T H O U G H T — S T R U CK!

and split a tree!

That beauty –: deformed by love____

— nature that kills what it loves

Between branches of passion-time

haunted by ill angels only

Perched upon a dark throne, sits proudly

I have reached these lands \
newly From an ultimate dim Thule

Through winding paths and forest deep,
Where dreams and whispers softly creep,
I wander forth with heart aglow,
In search of truths that nature sows.

:: 06-12-2014 ::

MOTHER loved me, she
said, “stay home
after school
I’ve got to work
so be careful dear.”

Mother, I worry
you tend a bar
and men are hungry

The days were wicked.
back in that day ~
Sometimes 24 and times
48 hours later.

I’d go to school with a stomach
full of holes wondering how
she is — mama! I didn’t see you
and i’m so scared!

Learning algebra wasn’t so interesting
but English caught my attention

One night she had a party
with men and it went on for days
and days partying they did

Until I heard her screaming
I ran into her room and saw
two men raping her ~~ I tried
but I was a small boy

Boy!  I’ll kill you! said one man.
The other took mama and made her cry
so hard.  I passed out in the hallway
of a cheap trailer.  

Oh, this world.  So cruel.  
Oh, this world.  So cruel.

:: 03.17.2024 ::