NOTHING SURVIVED

NOTHING survived.

 Yet i live.

Or is it that everyone
survived but i died?

Walking the chalk line
of homicide-art upon
a wet empty alley
in NYC I wanted to smoke.

No funnel of light.
No friends or family
members greeted me.

Just blood, brains,
and fear.

My face.  It left me.
Yet my hands were in
my pockets.  

If this be death then
death was kind.

Across the way, a diner.
I saw people-things
through the windows.

“gimme a cup of coffee.”
You look sore for the eyes
said the server.

One of her arms was missing.

The girl next to me had
something terribly wrong
with her back. That one eye
stared beyond me; made me
turn around to see what she
must have been looking at.

“Make that a scotch instead”
I croaked.

Nothing survived.  Yet I live.

:: 03.18.2022 ::


O U R O B O R O S

a strung-out song

a pit-angel trap

green as money

without feeling

sang the fat

evil thought

ramming inside

the white cave

of my dilapidated

skull.

how can any artist

sell out for fame

is beyond me.

i know i must be

mentally unwell

but need for money

was never the cause

for my derangement.

I blame my dreams.

My dreams are

OUROBOROS.

a divine pain. Inside

my throat.  Beneath

my head inside my

stomach. 

:: 03.18.2022 ::


T H E B U G D R E A M

deeplying falling kissing wishing
hoping loving hugging believing
how a butterfly was a bug
inside a bag of tender skin

like me

lasting, blasting, feeling, crying
destroying, allowing oneself

to die____like you like me

We are all inside a room called life
dying climbing tearing the walls
wishing we could escape

no such thing

Our creatures say there’s more outside
but no one has seen the after-life

so like a bug inside a bag of tender skin
we dream we can become the butterfly
we love:

to fly away.

:: 03.18.2022 ::


HOW I LOVE YOU

MEMORIES MELT into nights
as flowing rivers of hearts
where we met

Bees buzz singing
‘she loves you’
and flowers wilt
as dry tongues

Some leave others arrive,
to a country of hearts
breaking states  —
 how nature adores all

Be mine be wondrous as skies
above as below such feelings
how you never loved me i should
hate you but never could

 how nature adores you

Memories melt into nights
flowing knowing some things
could never come true so i
sing how beez buzz singing

‘how i love you’
within strings big as drawing
pins writing songs where voices
stick inside the intractable mind.

::  03.18.2022 ::


ENTHUSAISTIC LOOKING RELIGOUS PEOPLE

[the Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today
for various reasons. How science today wishes to
understand the secret ingredients where that the Egyptians
used when they wrapped up dead people so that their faces
would not rot for innumerable centuries.]

LIKE SILVER BIRDS before the wind
enthusiastic looking religious people who sit in sky seats.

The germs breaking out of mankind with lumps of famous bronze.

They will clear up your guts.

Say, ‘shh.’ The corduroy forest is luscious and black smoke
of the lamp. Dots of red ants are upon the Letter we Opened.

They build trampolines in the dish but we have forgotten.
To not be able to shake the wrinkles off of time and memories.

How they watch and laugh!
Look, there is something we all want.

It has steps.

Here is the key:

“Shh.”

The stoat jumps out of the fur and runs away to catch the scent.

Shh. — only for a moment then from behind the awful gilt wings of a magnificent
palace of life shall be painted on the blackened door. And when it is done it will
be our palace of course. Bluebells, bluebells, bluebells of hundreds–like far-off suns–
hand strayed from that beaten path.

:: 03.18.2022 ::


TOJANI

Tojani!  Even this is an act of fraud
tainted as far as it will.

So turn to me tainted as they blow
winds to make me go.

Truth of a thousand lies with no mercy
they blow to make me go so embrace myself
despoiled as they despoil and swore i’d
clean this slate with great certainty
and God’s mercy to wash away.

so i darted madly into the rain and hail
into little clouds that felt like daggers of tears
from the torrents of lost dreams.

Thinly beneath the surface of never-ending
controlling feelings i found myself between walls
closing in — insecured!     Bleeding blood and
worthless words so real //this tragic
reacting reflection of haunting life!

i found myself (god’s confidence
drained down the toilet of souls)
 
 I feel as though i was here before
  weeping wars of confused reality
  how this flesh makes me sick.

Every-universe is inside me.  But one spot
i keep for just me/as you\are we/i am and was

away.

:: 03.18.2022 ::


‘S SOIL MIXED IN TEARS AND STARS

I darted madly into the rain and hail
that fell in little clouds which
felt as tears from the torrents
of dying souls from this storm:

Leaping out from the storm
I found my children:
one upon a wet pillow
another within the bough.

I began my direction
above the beach,
down across the fields
I darted through the rain
all I wanted was a daughter
my gripping hands lost
to be my sweet self.

But, when she came
I had to make more
than a ditch
even I was a little older
and wiser
like a mother
in the shadow of my childhood
not so young anymore

:: 03.18.2022 ::

I lay in my bed
when they came
for to me.

Whispering not a word
with gleaming eyes
as silver came
to me and those others
those come from the stars
they turned my heart and home
into a zoo

like a slaughter house
of freaks.

:: 03.18.2022 ::


CATCHER IN THE RYE

B U T T E R F L Y catch the catcher in the rye
my oh my how feelings eat my heart and would
you believe if i said nature loves a whore
of course we could have dinner and squabble over words.

Now is not the time and time is never now.

A lost conception of mind & it really socks me here
there inside my aching heart.

And if you’ve fought yourself who made up with you now
just the moan deep inside the empty now:

such is superficiality in society &
how we bleed red and deep purple
lips wishing we had never breathed
air.

As are these feelings eating my heart
and you’d never believe nature is
a queen of unforgiven gifts as life.

A Catcher in the Rye.

:: 03.18.2022 ::


NIGHTMARE IN MARIUPOL

THE bombs rang and rang
out with light
into the night
while long nursey nights
as laid i within bed
that darkest hour
of gigantic, formless
queerest moments
a hideous nightmare
a form of father
and mother came
to me dead :
as of night

run oh run for life!
said in almost mock despair.

I leaped and ran i ran
pulled my brother from his bed
and into the night we went.

As earth moved. As skies
shook, as stars twirled
i hide baby brother’s eyes
from that horror.

We went.

Into the wet, cold dark night.

:: 03.17.2022 ::


SOMEONE LIKE CHRIST WHO CRIED

LOVE as any worthy heart fascinated by the beauty of intellect ~ tell me, what Love is invited.

Dreams like awakened terrors of minds tearing my thoughts in bright daylight
a savior polluted called Jesus says i’m just a boy caught in a lie
called miracles.

He got on his donkey, brushed its shoulder with his hand, sighed and he said, “God bless the earth!”

It just blew him away when he woke up and started laughing.

Well, I’m going to hell.

“Uh huh. Jesus? What’s your name?”

“My name is… what’s yours? C’mon, it’s no big deal, I’m not here to save the world. I just wanted to make a quick buck on my vacation. If you guys can get through this fake evil laughter… what can I do for ya?”

“No, we’re not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. But we need some proof. It’s a simple thing. You have to kill a guy.”

“You sure this is the same crap you came up with?”

“Yeah, all that’s been said has been said, we got your back. Only you can’t kill the guy. No one can. He’s already dead.”

“Really? I thought there were cameras and all. I mean, I didn’t know about this.”

“There’s no cameras.”

“But they know something happened, you have to tell him we’re coming.”

“Well, how would I find the guy?”

“Find him yourself. Then I’m coming back in.”

“Really? Ok, I’ll do that, you bet. Ok, what’s the plan? What’s gonna happen?”

“We’re gonna sneak into his house and do the deed.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really. Come on now, my donkey needs to go home, he’s exhausted. You guys go ahead, I’ll meet you back here tomorrow night.”

All of a sudden, a voice boomed through the silent night air.

“Hey, don’t do this. You’re gonna get us all killed!”

“Who’s that?”

“You’re gonna pay. You’re gonna pay for what you did to me. I’m not dead yet. I’m coming back and you’re gonna die!”

A couple of dudes laughed and broke off a piece of wood. They went over to the guy.

“Here, you just kill him with this. Then we’ll hang him in the yard.”

“Ok, thanks a lot.”

They went to get the rope.

And then another voice boomed through the night air.

“You’re gonna have to kill him first. He’s not dead yet. I’m coming back.”

“Oh, really? Well, I’ll kill him. But first I need a smoke.”

Jesus walked to the edge of the porch, lit up a cigarette and listened to the laughter. And then, there were no more voices at all.

Everyone stopped laughing and just stared at the one man, waiting for him to speak.

Finally, a voice boomed through the night air.

“Don’t kill him. I’m coming back. You’ll get us all killed.”

“Oh, really? Well, what do you want? We can’t just let you walk all over us. I need to know what the hell you want before I kill you.”

The voice came back to life.

“I want to be the judge of what happens to you. I’m coming back.”

“Really?” Jesus was getting a little tired of this.

“Yes, really. You’ll regret this, you’ll see.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll regret this. I’m coming back. I know what I’m talking about.”

“If you know what you’re talking about, how come you’re not the one in charge?”

“That’s simple. I’m coming back. And the person who’s leading this whole town has got to be punished.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know, I’m on my way back, and the next time I’m on the night shift I’ll be doing the night watch, right in the house that’s being prepared for you guys. See you tomorrow night. Goodbye.”

The footsteps faded away. The peat smoking stick was smoked out and left to burn in the darkness of the night air. Jesus stood there for a moment and stared into the dark night.

“Ok, the only way out is to kill him.”

He turned back to the others. “Guys, we have to do this.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, but we’re going to do it. I have to, I can’t have them taking revenge.”

The guys left in a rush, probably trying to collect their cattle for the night.

And Jesus sat there alone, just staring at the darkness.