FATAL THUNDER

fatal thunder was the best one had when she came to me for advice about his economic condition.

she was my first client, she said to me: My husband says I’m a fool for waiting for anything. I’ve been a mistress and a wife and a nurse, but I haven’t made a penny on my own. He makes a living as a taxi driver. I live in a modest bungalow and he has a sprawling country home. I make housework and keep the yard and the cars and two cars in good repair. We spend every weekend in our country home and whenever he is away he brings the mistress and the mistress’s boy and the mistress’s boyfriend and the three men together.

He was twenty-six and I was twenty-five when we married.

I’m not a fool, I told him, and here is how I earn my keep. First, I gather the money in envelopes when it is in my immediate possession. Then I write checks when I am told by the client to do so.
I keep the checkbook with me so I know who I have to go back and ask for more. I have a reliable mover. I have a reliable chauffeur. I have an accurate accountant.
This is how I do it.

When I get in the taxi, the driver asks me the destination and I tell him, and when I get there I get out of the taxi and tell him where to go, and when he takes me to the hotel or the house, I give him the key and when I am getting ready for bed I give him the bill for the room and then I turn out the light and go to bed myself.

In the morning I get up and say, “He’s a fool for waiting.”

I’ve been doing this a couple of years, but now I’m running out of the money I got when I first started.
I don’t get any more checks or checks with letters of explanation from my client, and the money is not growing with my business.
I’m sure if I wanted to I could get another job and earn more, but what would I do with all that time?

It might be difficult for me to do.

So silence and pain are my bed brothers. Love is my sister. Together we weep every night.

:: 09.26.2020 ::


MANY TIMES, MORE THAN TWICE

MANY times, more than twice have I seen the ghosts of family, friends and then some whose faces that I did not know.
Quaintly, with ethereal elegance they are silky touch, feather breath, and opal eye, outside of the tick-tock of father time. It is most inappropriate to ask of them to state their business or intended pleasure
extend your politeness over scorn I say. But if I may make a brief apparatus is there a paper in the room, a hall-cabinet or a desk on which a white sheet is available? Might I do with the sheet as a summons?
The respect that one owes one’s guests becomes tested with boredom, oft times probed with practicality of thrift for there is nothing useful to be erected in the holder of the sheet.
Only when it is needful to be done is the one supposed to write in it. The space for writing is too limited.
Must the words be in black to be read? Must they belong to make any good or neither would it do to pay homage to the white sheets anymore? Might I pour out some ink, some thread to fashion myself a gnomon of sorts. Searching the paper to be free from ink might I try another opal eye, like my mother and the razors my grandfather used?
To groom his hair, and his kinks, each time they wore them down, but never ending. Might I even fawn over a ghost. Might I shed a tear for no other reason than it would be distasteful, and uncivil, to not do so. The wrong that is done to ghosts, which is, who has time for them when there is death’s work that need be done?
It is said the uncle, being thin, frail with a rasping voice, would sit silent and tired; sleep nearly all day, never greeting the other relatives, as the family has dwindled to once, two at most.
That he would be found some hours before sunset, with no water and no food beside his dead little cousin. Who was his spitting image when his lips would open he would tarry another moment?
Recline again, only to open them and wander the empty halls, awaiting. Someone who could help him with his chores, is the scene I imagine. A half asleep and suffering ghost who will never rest as long as
he continues to obey the order of his keeper, waiting until someone pays his due respect.
Now the spirit, like some phantom to the nighthawks of the wind and the greens of the apple trees.
He moves as lightly as the wind.
He dances like the light of an airplane.
He looks to live yet again.
In a white sheet, with a black script which could read nothing.

:: 09.26.2020 ::
/maj. Rev.\


A DRUNK KISS & A SOBER WISH

I drank alcohol and now I am fat and laughing inside the dark cave wanting to take all my life back and to be the me I used to be; to be the music I used to sing; to be the sunrise I used to see.

When I reach for the stars and dream of roses above my circle of friends who I’ve fallen out of just like I’ve changed you. This is what love really feels like. Oh my! I wish it were not true.
This is how I feel when I sing but all I need is a kiss!

I had a dream once — a dream that a bottle of red wine got drunk and woke up. And came onto my hand and I dreamed I was singing and a beautiful lady in a wig came onto my legs and I dreamed I was dreaming &
I dreamed I was falling into a purple slumber; I told my in-laws I want to be my own man. I want the necktie to be the peace of mind I need. I want the dreams to be nice & not get me into a world of hurt.

I just want a kiss!

:: 09.26.2020 ::


WE KEEP TO THE FIRE

Other voices in the garden //They long for
the roses.  
They live, boast, play in the soil of a day
so precious.

Too soon the graves bury them all
below only to rise again in the light
as stars that stop burning
the earth, to spend eternity
at the throats of wandering stars.
We Who watched we so Embraced.
Faint.
The stone.
The earth.
A curious rustling in the grass. A boyish giggle.
A girl’s giggles make Light.
In a house where nothing moves.
Such a strange thing.
Reason.
That the stars should never
go out.

:: 09.25.2020 ::


TWO-CENTS COIN

a strain of realization beyond the eye-see
a touch of familiarity delicate is such wonder
a poised daisy in a field more expensive than mind
dropping tears in vast nothings-do
// a gleam of immortality dipped in fog-dew
the sharp tonic of vapor as sparse folds-
a delicate pinch from an errant kiss
giving you a taste of the divine

I close my eyes & find my way to you

A lone breeze takes flight into my mental
surf tossing around images carved in shadow-
in spite of my effort
I lose track of their finality

Tiny suction cups clinging to a crevice
catching fleeting moments like clouds in light
tingling within ephemeral light

THE petite heart-slight as a two-cents coin
quiet as a snowfall spewing light
into a cold, lifeless world

:: 09.25.2020 ::


THE DRUNK MONK

By some Sourdough monk in Northern Europe Patron Saint: The Drunk Monk of Nimbus HERE you will find the only reliable treatment to solve all your psychiatric and medical problems.

The Drunk Monk has won many awards for his unconventional experimental treatments.

All of the Four Pillars of Understanding have been found to contain gold along with the Mayan Calendar. The importance of this breakthrough is that you may rid yourself of the ‘Woolsey Complex’ of whatever madness has brought you here today!

You need not pay the traditional price of gold this Buddhist monk can supply cheaply (assuming you don’t mind that this saint was turned away from the Inn In Henley upon Thames, over 1,000 miles from here!) in which you’ll find:

1. A helpful cosmic energy: energy from the Emperor of the Universe! He’s like Santa Claus without the jolly youthfulness or lack of living relatives.

2. Dependable transportation: the Holy Nimbus Scooter. Just take that scooter, turn it upside down, and it’s a see-saw!

3. All 4 Pillars of Understanding: the number of boatloads of cash that you’re destined to receive from unknown sources, and soon you’ll be having tea with the Queen!

4. Also, all the Five Pillars of Wisdom: I won’t be delivering the 5th but you already have it, don’t you? (He’s helping you move! You’ll see what I mean!).

The drunk monk uses a dozen different methods to get you “saved!” First, you’ll need to drink a liter of vodka every day Do you think he’s kidding? Then, and only then, will you learn that Zen Buddhism has been around for a long time and yet doesn’t have any tradition of drunken asceticism!

On the contrary, you’ll learn that Zen Buddhism was an old tradition of Buddhism in which monks exalted in quiet prayer could use liquor in their meditation and drink it out of respect for the Emperor of the Universe.

You’ll also learn that in the original 4th Pillar of the Buddha’s teachings, the monk used no alcohol but on his first miracle he just drank a glass of sake without soiling himself. The Drunk Monk will help you as he helps other desperate people who are down on their luck.

Give me your name and address and I’ll let you know when I can see you next!

:: 09.25.2020 ::


THE KING OF ROCK & SAND

we have had many hard things so far we’ll have harder times yet to come
it has been a hard year and we are too young to have had so many hard times
there is nothing else that this world ever gave us at least not this year
you taught us not to give things from this Earth
that will rob us of our precious time
You left this Earth without trusting
you left this Earth without giving to those who need
your light; that you held in your hands
unlike anything or anyone we may know on this Earth
there’s not anything on this Earth/ so special
so dear that was you. you could not live on this Earth
so like a human even when you are dead
you live forever in our hearts
you live forever in our souls
for who else in this world can we hold on to forever
we have you
we have your light
you are! we are the millions who followed you
who laid down their lives and you could not carry
the great weight. you carried so we did not have to
one day we will learn to carry this great burden
no human can carry this great weight
there’s only one who can
And now we can
What OF God?
How come?
When can I see you?
When will I see you?
why don’t you leave me alone?

Leave me alone?
You’ve been with me for ever, in my bad times,
in my good times, when there was no way out
and no one to understand the way you could see
in a million hands held
The King of Glory.

I guess you’re going to have to leave me now
if you’re going to come back
I guess you’re going to have to leave me alone
when you say my life will not end
this time…
So do you see?
How can I see the King of Glory?
Well, if I were to fall into Hell
and be the first to greet the King
then, I’m sure I would find you
But I don’t want to go to Hell
I have never been to Hell
It’s not like I’m afraid of Hell
I’m afraid of living without you
without the comfort of your embrace
or at least the touch of your hands
or the warmth of your smile
or the sound of your voice
or even your kiss
no, I don’t like the smell of Hell
the sky is always clear
and green
and it looks so pretty
when it’s sunny
no, I don’t want to go to Hell
I don’t want to be the first
to greet the King
I just want to be with you
in Heaven…

:: 2020 .24.2020 ::


THE BIG VOICE OF LIARS

FED upon pain and desolation    his skin was translucent
and a heart of tulips      a mind — scentless
a world a countries refused  to feed him;  counties
and borders of seaman    aah!  away!  go away!
eyes of life & truth       abdomen as a wasp
lips stinging liars         he held a hip of holsters
truth-gun shooting liars     caught the flowers of a
dying field of a Nation      ahhh!  Go away!  Go away!
Go away!!!!    A school of      mushrooms and a day full of
night — a fit for lying      bastards hey!!!! go away!
go away!  go away!  go away!
His memories were born before
his flesh — aaaah!  Ahhh!
go away go away go away!

:: 09.21.2020 ::


SEXY KNIFE and DOVES

AT times as now
i happen to be tired
of being a man.
so fashionably sensible
entering tailor shops
or movie theaters
; the weather tearing me
apart, an impenetrable,
i hide under the wings
of a swan; smoking my
cigars and talking over
the murmur of the rain’s
philosophy.

i happen to be tired
of my feet and my face —
it’s always the same.
some have said i am the mysterious
one with the hair of a god/not me\
so this is my heart bleeding
before you — upon my knees
-[death would be lovely i imagine]
to be brilliant i need to run down
the streets with a sexy knife screaming
how i love Mozart: shouting until
i freeze to death. But with my
dark eyes and hidden heart: poetry
or eyeglasses, and elevators.
life is breaking my heart.
Nevertheless i am delighted
to awaken ghosts and lost loved ones;
to slay a priest or his nun with my
veins — to walk through churches
or crawl through orthopedic shops,
and the world of foolish games.

the dove of love is filled
with spilt blood and deep tears.

:: 09.21.2020 ::


TIME FELL BEFORE MY ACHING FEET

TIME fell before my aching feet:
that i know little is more than
most who think they know all;
i watched time squirm before
me as a puddle of water —
i saw her dress make sounds,
silent before a breeze toward
trees.
i wept as a dew against
moist violets, as nature does;
and saw time die before me.
her greatest hand was sharp
dampness of a violet leaf
that cut my heart within approaching
exasperated winter hunger.
today i met space who cried;
having lost his best friend
called time his tongue was pale
searching for dead bodies and
broken teeth.

:: 09.21.2020 ::