Tag Archives: #mental health

unBECOMING

i am un
(becoming) —not the
lady in pearls who
swallowed her mirror
whole,
but the grassblade
pushing through sidewalk
cracks,
anonymous,
unadorned,
a nobody! who are you?
are you nobody too?

then there’s a pair of us—
don’t tell!

they’d banish us, you know:
the somebodies, croaking
names in the bog of
june, public as frogs,
droning their i ams
till the air
thickens with self.

O to unbecome!
—to shed this husk
of shoulds and musts,
the corset of custom
laced tight by eyes
that never saw
the atom in me
as good as the atom
in you—
walt, you contain
enough, why don’t
you let it out then?
speech is the twin
of vision, unequal
to measure itself,
but i, i celebrate
not the self that’s built,
but the self that’s
unraveling,
thread by thread,
a kosmos of unravelings.

i cannot see my soul but know ’tis there
(a narrow fellow in the grass
occasionally rides—)
the body grows without—
afraid to own a body,
i put it from me—
like a woolen mitten
in summer, or the
wife who lays her
plaything unmentioned
in the corner of a drawer.

success is counted sweetest
by those who ne’er succeed—
so unbecoming is the sweetest
by those who ne’er were some
body at all.

you shall above all things
be glad and young
for if you’re young,
whatever life you wear
it will become you;
and if you are glad
whatever’s living
will yourself become.

but i? i am the dangerous
looseness of doom,
finding it unbecoming—
we can never be born
enough, you and i,
human beings for whom
birth is the mystery
of growing: which happens
only when we are faithful
to our unselves.

O the past and present wilt—
i have fill’d them,
emptied them,
and now i unbecome
the bard of personality,
pressing the pulse
of the life that has seldom
exhibited itself—
the great unbecoming
of man in himself.
i pass death with the dying
and birth with the new-wash’d babe,
not contain’d between
hat and boots,
but spilling out,
a transparent eyeball
seeing all,
nothing.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my unbecoming)
for whatever we lose
(like a you or a me)
it’s always our self we find
in the sea—
the blond absence of any program
except last and always
and first to live
makes unimportant
what i and you believe.
love’s to giving as to keeping’s give;
as yes is to if,
unbecoming is to yes.

O i am large, i contain
multitudes—of nobodies,
of unravelings,
of grassblades and frogs
and the dangerous looseness
we wear like doom,
becoming.
un
(becoming) the endless
song of my
self—
un
done.

:: 01.22.2026 ::


FREEDOM

I hear the call rolling, rolling, the call of Egmont,
heavy as the tread of empires marching slow across the earth,
three grave beats to the measure, like the pulse of shackled nations,
Spanish heel grinding into Flemish soil, proclamations hanging dark and unanswerable,
yet under them the people stir, restless, multitudinous, whispering of plots, of hidden fire,
of men and women breathing in cellars, in fields, in harbors, refusing to be still.

Then comes the leap—O the sudden charge!
Downward rush like Egmont himself bounding forth, prophet, fighter,
no asking, no kneeling, only the body hurling into storm, into cannon-smoke,
torches darting flame on rain-slick streets,
the second surge rising, seizing the tyrant’s drum and beating it backward,
turning the march of chains into the march of heroes,
oppression’s own rhythm stolen, inverted, worn as a defiant banner!

I see the battle without name, the struggle twisting, clashing, fragmenting,
armies colliding on open plain, sweat and blood and iron taste in the mouth,
the old solemn dance returning heavier, darker, almost swallowing the light—
execution nearing, Klärchen’s sweet ghost dissolving into air,
Egmont in the dungeon, head erect, words forming like sparks on dry tinder.

Yet listen—O listen to the hush, the deep hush after cruelty’s boast!
Too quiet, too deep—then a stirring, like the first green shoot refusing the grave,
the tremor upward, the distant horns of coming dawn,
the final kindling, blazing, not mere endurance but transfiguration!
Martyrdom bursting into sun, fanfares of the spirit tearing darkness apart,
chains shattered—not by muscle alone but by the soul’s great refusal to bow,
final strokes ringing, ringing, freedom purchased in red, ringing clear forever.

I sing the soul of resistance in every sudden blow,
rhythm that will not lie down quiet,
the man facing the axe who makes the blade lightning,
Egmont living longest when the last shout dies—
in the great silence after, still vibrating through me, through you, through every breast that beats democratic and free.

O I am the one who contains multitudes—
the prisoner, the executioner, the torch-bearer, the widow weeping,
the dawn that will not be buried, the people rising as one vast body electric!
All tyrannies fall, all heroes rise in the same immortal pulse,
and in this uprising I hear America too, unborn then, yet already shouting in the blood,
I hear myself in Egmont, I hear you, reader, comrade, in the triumphant close—
we are not conquered, we are not silent,
we are the resurrection, the undaunted stride, the endless song!

:: 01.21.2028 ::


UNDER THIS STUBBORN PULSE

My apologies to death for refusing to rehearse it daily.

My apologies to oblivion if I mistake this breath for permanence, after all.

Please, don’t be angry, life, that I seize you as my own—
even when the weight of you bends my spine like winter wind.

May the shadows be patient with the way I keep turning toward light.

My apologies to despair for laughing when it almost had me.

Forgive me, endless night, for borrowing stars to light my small room.

Forgive me, open graves, for stepping over you with bare feet.

I apologize to the void for filling it with stubborn heartbeats,
to the silence for speaking when nothing asked me to.

Pardon me, old wounds, that I let them scar instead of swallow me.
Pardon me, hounded fear, for daring joy in your presence.

And you, relentless dawn—always arriving, always the same gold—
forgive me if I sometimes close my eyes, yet still rise.

My apologies to the fallen for standing when they could not.
My apologies to great endings for these small, defiant continuings.

Truth, don’t stare too hard at my trembling hands.
Dignity, be kind enough to let me falter and still call it courage.

Bear with me, O mystery of staying alive, as I gather the scattered threads of day
and weave them into another fragile tomorrow.

Soul, don’t scorn me for clinging to you only in the narrow spaces between breaths.

My apologies to everything that I can’t vanish gracefully.

My apologies to everyone that I persist, stubbornly human,
when the easier path was surrender.

I know I won’t be absolved as long as I breathe,
since survival itself stands in the way of perfect peace.

Don’t bear me ill will, breath, that I borrow your force
then labor fiercely so it may seem effortless.

There—dark and light entwined, survival as both apology and defiance.
A quiet roar in the desert night.

:: 01.15.2026 ::


HYPERKNOT

I. Proof of Ache (Acrostic with Hidden Name)

Pixel saints flicker above a dead phone, promise in packets, rumor returning.
Hush of the feed at 3 a.m.—the city’s eyelids scroll for a kinder glow.
Inside the glass I ghost my face, messaging the void with a velvet prayer.
Looped notifications bead like rosaries; I mouth their data in secret.
Love is an interface—yet also a room that edits the pulse to silence.
I sign what I cannot say, each tap a knuckle at Infinity’s door.
Parallel lives unzip in tabs; I keep the one that glitches and calls me beloved.

Every algorithm wants my ache to stabilize; I refuse, and it blossoms harder.
Printers of truth jam; rumors unjam. I staple the night to the morning and wear it as armor.
Real is a rumor confirmed by yearning; speak it, and the mirror fogs.
On the curb, a siren tutors me in red grammar; I conjugate hurt to future perfect.
Blue is the browser where she appears—twice removed, thrice returning, always unsigned.
Let the body be a document with margins wide enough for miracles.
Every promise is a password with a hidden expiration; I memorize the pattern of forgetting.
Somewhere a door keeps opening into itself; I practice entering by staying.

II. Golden Shovel for the Leaving Lady

I build a hush the width of a street and name it faith, Because
the city keeps its clock in my ribs; if I stop, it stops, and I
pretend not to notice the moon rehearsing our phone-glow; you could
edit me softer, I say—but you won’t; I agree to want what I not
understand: the shape your silence makes when I stop
typing. A comet clears its throat—your profile turns—only for
a second—then the postcard grin: the sovereign of Death
cruising the boulevard in a soft sedan. You wave as if He
were rideshare; you laugh at the meter running, how kindly
you lean to adjust the mirror so I look endless. The car stopped
between two centuries, and I count each breath like tabs; the door opens for
no one and for everyone—and yes, I get in. You don’t. You hum for me.

III. Mirror Practice (Palindromics & Returns)

live not on evil
Able was I ere I saw Elba
Backspace the prayer, then pray the space back.
What I forgive returns—not as itself, but as a better question.
I look into the look that looks back, and choose to be seen.

:: 09.06.2025 ::


SCHIZOPHRENIC PROSE (The Secret Society of Hidden People)

My soul is lost
upon ice-blue crevasses so deeply!
help me my blue elephant
that lettuce is brave
like electrons always saying hello
and never goodbyes!
You slip on lice and break your arms
it’s all so SCHIZOPHRENIC: tangentiality!
stilted speech and phonemic paraphasia
are mainly broken-minded poets
who use both sides of a pencil
-+95% of black eyes kill 5% of rabbits
and the bird whistles in Japaneses:
“sei shin bun retsu byo”
( mind split disease)
where logic and proportion falls
between the King & Queen
AND ALL ANGELS go to 7-Eleven
in their heavenly garments to buy
hot dogs and slur-pees
and writing is a socially acceptable
form of schizophrenia…hmm….
such is the paradox of delusion
and how are you? When you walk down
a sidewalk to the abuse of verbally
abusive birds chirping loudly how
dull and stupid you are. So you move into
a homeless shelter and make new friends!

:: 10242015 ::