Night enters. Ned Sandy: paralysed in eye by gun shot.
Scene: Mannequin with rotting limbs “Deadman on the Freeway.”
And instead of being the good guy, he’s good, bad, worse.
Why kill? Don’t know yet, but maybe he had an affair with his client’s wife
and that’s why her husband killed the four guys. Maybe that’s why we’re reading
this now, maybe even typing this, but then “Deadman on the Freeway”, too could be Will Rogers.
With dead, all in the middle of the road. Come, the business man, because the cops will come
and he’ll know about it. He’ll know the ends and outs, all the dirty secrets. Just a shitty
little man with issues, everyone needs someone. Maybe they’re his problems. In space, man has
only one star in his eyes. You and me, buddy, we’re on this road for eternity, my friend.
My friend is dying here, dying of a bullet in the heart. It’s dead man time.
(Ned Sandy) “I think I’m going crazy. I think the whole world is under death’s thumb.
(Salt Shaker) “You just can’t imagine what it feels like not being afraid.
‘Coma’ played, fragments of Janis.
And ‘Amarillo by Morning.’
I need sleep.”
At 1818, we get some thunder. Seemed fine then but now I’m alone, not sure what’s missing,
like who’s gone. What’s worse, I don’t even need to be afraid. The ground’s giving away,
sinking, I’m in limbo. Too afraid to leave though, want to linger and be afraid in the silence,
scared of waking up.
The only sound is the wind.
Lights in the clouds, storm.
‘Rolling into town’ played, fragments of James Taylor.
‘I am the Walrus’ played.
Here it is now. A choice that couldn’t be more clear.
I look up to the sky, watery as the ocean.
‘Just like an Eagle’ played, fragments of the Who.
‘Sweet Leilani’ played.
Not in danger now, no way.
‘Rock Me Amadeus’.
It’s the end, but not in an end.
Time to go.
First night back in “The Land of Night”.
Won’t be enough to finish the work, but I will finish what I came here to do. I’ll
I’ll finish this. I’m here because I want to be. I have work to do.
Mid-morning. I didn’t sleep. Time for coffee, 8AM and day’s halfway done. Something happened to make me stay here, drink this coffee. I don’t understand it, don’t understand it but I will.
Maybe I’m just having an existential moment, a moment of reflection, of spirituality. It’s crazy to talk about this, but as we move through our lives, it’s the moment you realize what you are and what you are not.
Maybe I’m just realizing that I’m a writer and that that’s the best thing I could be.
:: 04.04.2022 ::