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Hollywood Zombie

Jason had this penthouse apartment that was centrally located in Beverly Hills.

He was incredibly clean, but in an overwhelming kind of way.
The carpet and stuff were spotless, the cabinets were plastic, and the paint was not chipping. I felt like I was in a Doctor’s office waiting room.

He was snoring loudly, and just at the right moment he opened his eyes.
“Ha! You are dead! This is a dream, right?”

I felt a bit offended, as I was obviously the one snoring.
“No, no!” He pointed at the clock. “It’s 4AM!” (Lucky number 8!).

“You’re a zombie! You’re dead and you’re dreaming!”

“I’m a zombie, alright!” I yawned and started to hack up zombie gore.
“Watch out!” He screamed and jumped out of the bed.
“All right, you monster! I’m dead and I’m dreaming! I’m dead and I’m dreaming!”

He chased me around the room.

“You’re not dead, you’re a zombie! You’re a zombie, that’s just what you are, a zombie, so it’s a dream!” He threw up his hands. “You can’t win!”

“I can’t win, yeah? That’s right, I can’t win. That’s my luck, ha-ha!”
I hope you like midnight horror flicks.” His face crinkled with confusion; the zombies smile that I was always afraid of flashing on.

“Well I didn’t say I was a horror movie person. Oh, that’s right, but you said, I’m dead and I’m dreaming, so that’s a horror movie, right?”

I thought about it.

“Okay, I guess it’s more like…like if a zombie comes to my door…”

“…and it’s not a horror movie?”
“Yeah. It’s just a regular knock at my door.”
“OK, I guess it is a horror movie.”
“Yup.”

“So are you telling me, I’m dreaming?”

“I’m telling you, it’s just a regular knock at your door.”

He hugged me and ran away from the door.

“Oh, no! Zombies are at the door, oh no!”

I joined him and kept chasing the zombie until Jason growled in my ear, “Cristina, I’m the last of my family! I have to protect my kingdom! This is my job! You, you are not my wife! That’s over and done! All that you are, is a woman! You are not a child! I don’t know where you come from, but I’m not marrying you!
I don’t know who you are!”

“Jason, you can’t be an emperor! You’re a zombie, not an emperor. You’re dead and you’re dreaming! This is a dream! Wake up!”

“This is not a dream, this is real life. And you’re not my wife! You’re just a woman!”

“Are you threatening to kill me? If you do I am going to-“

“Cristina, you’re not my wife!”

“No! Stop it, stop it!” I ran back to the bed and crawled under the covers. Jason stood in the doorway of the bedroom with his back to the door, and looked down at me. He was clenching his fists.

“Don’t you dare.”

His back was turned to me, but I could hear him as I lay there.

“If I did, what would happen to you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You would be in the woods. You would be alone, never to find another person.”

“Maybe.”

“No, you wouldn’t be alone. You would have someone.”

“No.”

“Don’t you want someone, Cristina?”

“I’m not a zombie! I can’t just turn into a zombie! You know, don’t you, that a zombie’s life is like a terrible TV soap opera? We’re all dead and we have to live through some very horrible circumstances in order to get back to our old life. That’s what a zombie is.”

“That’s not you, that’s just a movie! You are a real person. And you’re very scared.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Of zombies? Of living alone, of the world going to hell in a hand basket? Of waking up dead and never having a normal day, ever? Of living in a world of nasty zombies?”

“Yes.”

“No you’re not. You’re scared. You’re a person, and you’re scared. You have nothing to be scared of.”

“But you have plenty to be scared of!”
“And I’m scared too.”
“Yes. But the situation is different than yours.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t either. But I know what I saw. I saw your face. You know that? When I turned around and saw you lying there, and the light from the candle was shining on you. I saw your face.”
“You saw what?”
“I saw the fear in your eyes, Cristina. I saw the fear. I saw the fear that a person feels when he looks at the face of someone who could have just turned into a zombie. And I also saw the fear that a person feels when he’s about to be killed by a zombie.”
Jason pointed at the door. “Cristina, I don’t want to hurt you. I want to help you. I want to fix all of this. I am the one that can fix it. Please, come out and help me. Let’s stop this!”
“That’s why I’m under the covers, you maniac.”
“I know.”
“I’d come out for you if I could.”
Jason laughed.
“Maybe next time.”
“One time won’t do any good.”
“I just need a minute, and then we can fix this.”
“What can we do?”
“I don’t know.”
I felt Jason standing in front of the door, looking at me. He was gripping the door frame with both hands and leaning over it.
“How much do you want this, huh?”
“I don’t want this.”
“Then what are you here for?”
“I don’t know!”
“If you don’t want this, you don’t want anything.”
“You’re just a crazy guy!”
“Maybe I am. I don’t know what to do.”

“You should just go away.”

“How could I do that?”

“Go to bed.”

“I can’t sleep without you.”

“What do you want from me? What’s in it for me?”

“You don’t know?”

“No.”

“Just tell me what you want. Tell me, because you can’t hide anything from me, because I already know everything.”

“I don’t know. Something. I just want you. I want to be with you. I want to be your man. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Why won’t you come out, man? I can’t sleep, I need your help.”

“Help me?”

“Help me.”

“You are mad.”

“No, I’m not!”

“You want me to help you kill yourself.”

“No, I don’t.”

“I’m not stupid. I’m not blind. You want me to kill you, Cristina. You want me to feed you my human flesh.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I saw you last night. You wanted me to feed you my human flesh.”

“You’re crazy.”

“No, I’m not. I’m just tired of seeing you in your pajamas.”

“You’re crazy.”

“I’m not crazy.”

“Oh, I know you are. I know you are.”

“I am not!”

“You are. You are totally crazy.”

“I am not crazy.”

“I know you are, Cristina. You are crazy.”
“You’re crazy.”
“No, I’m not. You are.”
“I am not crazy!”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not.”
“I can hear you breathing in your sleep.”
“I am not sleeping! You’re crazy!”
“You’re totally crazy.”
“What are you doing, here? You’re crazy.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You are, Cristina. You’re crazy.”
“I’m not crazy!”
“You are, Cristina. You’re crazy. You’re crazy.”


I heard the footsteps coming down the stairs. They were slowly and carefully walking down the stairs. They were at least 6 feet tall, if not more.


There was a creaking sound as they approached the door. I didn’t have to open the door to know who it was. I looked down at the floor and then back up. It was Jason. He had changed his clothes and put on a black tee shirt with a skull and crossbones on it and a pair of camo shorts. He was still wearing his tactical pants and boots, with two nightsticks that matched the tee shirt. He was still holding a small dagger, one of the weapons that he had brought with him. He had the rope in his hand, too. He didn’t look happy at all.


I opened the door and Jason stepped in.
“You did this.”


“What are you talking about?”


“I know everything. I saw you. I watched you. I watched you feed her your human flesh. I saw the look on her face. She was disgusted, but she liked it. I watched you fuck her, twice. You came twice in her. Then she woke up. She opened her eyes, and smiled at you. She looked you straight in the eye and said, ‘I liked it.’ You can’t deny it. She is mad.”


“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not crazy.”


“You are. You’re totally crazy.”


“I’m not crazy.”


“You are, Cristina. You’re crazy. You’re crazy.”


I backed up against the wall. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”


:: 01.27.2021 ::


A Fraction of Theology

(Those who have followed my poetry know there are certain things I have changed. I am devastated by the realization that my understanding has done nothing wrong! The words come. In day as i am awake, in night as I sleep. The poems always flowing. I rarely change anything and especially will NEVER change my mistakes. As I see my own life as a very large mistake; a boy who should never have survived much less been born to deep poverty of intellect).

If this whole affair shall do in my attachment
to family I easily release it only because
my heart is within splendid love.

 To find happiness in Life
to find love in living
i surrender my Life for Love
if loving is the greatest cost
of the tears i spill in Life

How I walk the seashore  hand-in-hand
talking.  

“How to make you happy in life
without any object in life?”

Well, eventually your strenth will
tell me an impossibility.

“Ask of me.  I only wish a woman to love.”

Well, then.  While the ocean breaks the
shores and the skies move clouds
they watch us — what they say of us?

“They say, we are in deep love my dear.  
The world is in love with a fallen angel
whom loves poetry.”

:: 0.30.2022 ::


My Better Half

LOVE is a taste of Fear
when you don’t move

An Empty canvas of Art

Well, allow me to explain
how you forgot me:

Oh, well, vibrant touch
is what you said years
later when your life
took a turn. And all
I taught you was everything.

Oh how I bleed my heart
then you died, so far away
like a high cloud in skies.

I took a walk outside
surrounded by beating hearts
of insects and humans.

Oh i am twisted around my
head spinning as the sun
falling down — it’s my better
spirit for the Everything
of Lovely World I See —
all that I could be.

The Soul I loved Once.

:: 05.5.2022 ::


Into the Forever

i

EYES tongue speak a reality
seeing and speaking objects & words,
And, when sleeping within the valley
of Life, you feel;
how the curvature of the world
encases your flesh, nubile and ripe
with all blood;
i communicate with spirit, rising
as the Soul; a woman who died
many previous life’s to be born a man;
all within rimbaud’s eyes lost under blue
how it all grows.

ii

How the days of youthful living were so
atrocious but we now remember fine
for wanton satyrs and beastly fauns,
as one wrangles myth the other science
of both mind and universal growth;
the long lost days wish to find me
when trees received their green
and women their breasts.

As when the ground sprang its water
and Noah closed the doors of the ark
the last man and woman called to no one
as the world sapped its flow.

iii

Insanity! For now there is one who
says, “I know everything.” And some:
‘we believe you, we believe you!’
Many run from the wars of man —
they are the invisible.
Rising roses from the salty oceans
from a vast brightness of blue
waves — are the coming righteous ones.

IV

From the most concerning CERN they
wish for lost time to return!
–the ancient Ones of reknown men.
In perfect storms not even God
remembers. White coats with goggles
revives them; free from humanity’s
God.

V

And the skies came down
the sun when up
and the night rolled down
humans looked skyward —
searching skies!

:: 12.08.2020 ::


Heart or Tongue

AS my soul performs in front of LIFE itself!

Roses of you, so worn upon
my own mind. Never quitting
within unkind.

Stopping the world within its
track — as dawn: a muscle amorous.

contending with human artifacts:
as limbs, head, heart and tongue.

I licked the sun and it gave me power.

   when i think of you i LIVE.

smiling as I know the night cannot
grieve, for love is stronger than
physical things.

:: 12.18.2020 ::


Today was Hot

TODAY was so hot ~~ the sun kissed the surface of Earth.

Today i’m fine i have no hair left but inside my soul
i find i am fine / today i ate a mars bar and it made me happy
/because i like brown skin \ and in my head i’m so ugly /
okay ~~ Sunday morning with church light candles I find God.

I’m so lonely / dye my new hair \ i am excited i am
and i don’t care because my soul is pure ||

Oh heck hey kick the bucket full of agony ~~~

I like how i feel so hurt i feel you’re not coming back

i loved how the clouds are so pareidolia showing scenes
within the blue skies of my life : i’m so complete because
i am ugly and broken eyes still see fractured life
like our days when i found God.

i don’t care because i fck myself. i don’t care because i fck you.
i don’t care because i am you.

How i like it that i’m not coming back and love how i killed
the spirit of what i miss in you and love you but never coming
back ______> i drank love from a fountain of Life
and in my ugly head sunday morning’s are all i care because in
my ;last days i found God.

:: 06.23.2022 ::


The Lost Love and Never Loved

FROM lost love and never loved
From schoolmates, dreams with the truest and the dullest
to those who were and those who might have been
to all the boys and girls all the present and all the past
from those who have it all to those who have nothing, so
they’ll have to make it

To all the righteous, without care of, for, to those with purpose
those who love, those who don’t from the moment we were born
to that time of dreams; a brother to that sister
the others, all of us.

I have a dream
I have a dream
I have a dream

Imagine what it would be like if we were one
To think that love is…
Yes it is
We have had enough of hate
Of violence and crime
Of tearing families apart
Of letting too many drop out of school
Of not getting a good education
Of not having hope
Of having a chance for success
Of caring, and giving, and Love

So that the words and the worlds
Would know that it is possible
That all we need is love
So that the demons and the monsters would see that it is
the path of light, and there is no need to fear.

All from lost love and the never-loved.

:: 06.22.2022 ::


BEAT ME OUTTA SLEEP

SHE has a dream
He has the debt
She always has what she gets
He’s a dreamer in the ditch
He’s a pauper that never regrets
Together, smiles and frowns
Tagging along are universal clowns

He never said, “I do.”
She said, “Whatever it takes.”

Into the mist as they forget
it’s all for love and little kittens

She has a puppet string to my heart
He has the gold of a different kind.

Beat me outta my sleep
Beat me outta my sleep
Beat me outta my sleep
Beat me outta regret.

:: 06.22.2022 ::


THE FLOWER’S ODE

i would be your love
if love was to be had.
i would have half of
love if love had me.
To show my precious
heart….to be so kind
and still as a flower
as no other ever saw:
grown and brilliant
in mire and growing
till the day my
petals were gone___
i would be your love
if i were to be had
i would be half of me.
To give my precious
kisses in morning’s dew
and nighttime hugs
always and forever.

:: 06.20.2022 ::

:: 06.20.2022 ::


HOPING IS A GIANT HAMMER

HOPING is a giant hammer, terrifying, and insane
at tender times, while the heart hides away;
crying like laughter releases compressed
emotions — there is no wrong or right but a golden
trumpet, teeth shattering upon each note played___
the paunch of my feelings gilded wainscoting.
Wondering if Heaven has graveyards — the hope
of dying twice/once in hell upon Earth the other
one inch inside the pearled gates
of your thighs.

:: 06.20.2020 ::