Monthly Archives: November 2020

BIG BRAIN SO monster family

ate my petals of yellow flowers

& i looked up toward the skies
(they say i was weak and aborted)
==never mattered to me==
Father killed mother
sisters cried//brother of mine\
held him down and i cried :::
what ever matters now?
i sang ancient cries telling ghosts
i leave you all behind; momma i
hate how you found evil when you
looked for Love/ like me \ we eat
dirt.
Oh Oh Oh i am just a shadow
looking out a window…(no one loves me!)
say, stop! A ate a thunderbolt
lightning down inside my bowls
sparing my life from monstrosity
demons hold on! Oh let me go
“No no no no!” Oh how the angels
sing for me! Every very bit of
frightening feelings! Oh how evil
and pure love me: oh let me go!
(we will not let you go!) Oh oh
let me go go go ! No no no NO!
Oh how the devil and God wants me!
Oh Mother!
The devil has designs for me!
God give me the power!
Shade my eyes from all evil! OOOOH!~
baby! Just got to get it right!
…?_? oh yeah oh yeah
…i am born a child. And flesh decays
and gods and demons feed upon our flesh.
but we win within the end.
Born above Angels and Devils.

😉

:: 11.10.2020 ::


SUMMER SKIES

IT’S not the reason  why we cry together
not the reason       we hold onto each other
not the reason       how you smile or make hair
(if you remember;  not why i want to spend the
reason of life with you)
not the makeup or how you  dance/ it’s more how you
cry at night alone\ when those figures came
to us last week from their ships and hurt us.

it’s how humans feel  and how strangeness feels
it’s not how you lost eggs or  how i gave semen
and sperm.  

you lost your mind lost my mind so divine
seemed so real, like a real thing…
in between i find what’s in between is a peach
of mind and how i lost reality…

so fine, my sweet love
lost spring
small beings from the sky
makes everything fine
with their large eyes
i lost my mind

and now i find i’m suicide
oooh yeah, oooh yeah,
oooh yeah

what’s the matter, love?  LAST SUMMER
we lost our minds /  oooh oh oooh oh
oooh oh love you .

how they rule humanity.

:: 11.10.2020 ::


MY OWN DEATH

At night of the Hight of winter, when from the Netherlands comes the brutal sun, lightning without rain
and at the same time clouds with frost, rain for a while, hail, snow and wind of the elements, large and small.

No end in sight; it is a day with a change, storm of clouds, storm of winds, shipwreck, submarine, decomposition
and the four veils.

No beginning and no end.

WHEN the moon in the morning or at noon is as bright as an orb, or almost, and it becomes night before the fourth
evening of the lunar month.

I, to stand in your light as in a spotlight:
I to look into the eyes of a crescent: love, flame, bed. You, great, powerful, oh so distant, as luminous as stars.
A desert of fire. At night you search for me.

THE cypresss of the monasticism are under your feet, the nuns walking barefoot, when they keep time, when they sing
while tying themselves together and when they put their tongues to the left and to the right in the custom of zdrakas.
On the walls of their chapel, near the chapel and the curtain, there are female saints, goddesses, whom they adore,
and those that they cover with veils and they cover with gilded haws. It is as if they were entering a house and praying
in front of the altar. The angel of women, whom they saw in a dream and whom they know to be linked to the will of God,
blazed with stars when they looked at her.

To them she is a light, a light that penetrates them like the opening of a wound. And they throw their arms over her,
when they press her feet.

That is how they pray.

WHEN i heard them chanting, I felt like a stone, as if pierced by the time of their desires. The stones of the market of Damascus
by the way of the river.

How have they lived, with their desire, like dew in their eyes.

I, my feet up, the state of being crushed, felt also that I have attained my purpose and that nothing remains, nothing is more than dust,
nothing any longer is alive.

One wind against my whole body, threw me to dust.

These are days of longing, of vulnerability, of vulnerability. These days. I stand like a young woman in front of a mirror.
Who is that person staring at me? Someone long dead and buried.

Everything that had lasted for centuries is gone.

I am facing my own death.

:: 11.10.2020 ::


THAT I HAVE FELT

THAT i have felt the winds of misery
of all that i have won through fright,
against steel and metal thoughts,
my arms are now weak, but not my heart
.

Not even a little.

What little tears me are drops of waves
against the mist of vast ocean
lit by thunderbolts of sorrow,
defined by unfathomable solutions,
or anemic eyelids.

i was born too early and fought for life
premature; then suddenly a fire within
my tiny heart grew and separated myself
from the chaff of earth; when wheat
hardens its little flanks and lifts up
its thousand-handed face,
i flew — as no human could.
the One who never shrinks from the
thump of darkness frightened.
My footsteps approach as fire
within the smoke, melting Winter
to live within Sprint, wielding Sun
to grow flowers and their petals,
and pushing earth away
in a wave of love and passion,
within raging rivers of flowerheads
does the light of sun and moon
reach my MOUTH:
as an old friend that meets me again!

:: 11.10.2020 ::


RAINDROPS NEED SUNBEAMS

Like winnable wars like broken hearts
feeling there’s no living gods
Like a poem that is out of reach
that no ink can write — i feel you.
While dreaming hope like a smile of love
without a lover a little foot step
without impossible dreams
there’s no unbeatable odds.

Shall I say it again?

With dreams there’s no
invisible walls and i sing,

“I just want you”

There is no Juliet without
Romeo, there are no thrills
without incurable life.
and I just want you
and I just want you
And how are you?

There are no in-crimeable crimes
no reason or rhymes why we lock
doors between living and life.

If there’s an Alpha I say
oh me again (omega) possible
dreams and I just want you

i just want you i just want you
how i dream fall-smiles
within your soul dear

Are all the beautiful flowers of your soul!

:: 10142015 ::
rev: 11.10.2020


BLACK CLOUD

The same black cloud that rested over the field the morning after the mower put out the haystack floated over the tops of the silver-trees on the edges of the rose-garden. Through the silver-trees it turned slowly, lowering itself to the ground; and, coming to rest, settled again on the rose-bush, and raised itself high into the air to sniff the atmosphere. I should perhaps seem to be speaking about two roses; but they are not. The two roses I have in mind are of the same kind, but not to be compared. The one is a white rose that came out of a grey-green pot that lay for seven years in a drawer, which probably no one noticed or cared about. Its title is new, unknown, to many, and cruel; and its smell is not the smell of any known rose, nor of any olfactory attraction.

The other is a tall, straight, dark-red rose with a peculiar odor; but which is still admired by young men for its beauty, and in the old age of some is planted in the centre of their friendship gardens as a memorial of a lost love. Both are rare, and will always be rare; but the dark-red rose of the shadow of its twin is a seedling of an old rose, and nothing of its own. It stands tall, straight, and, in old age, very angular in the clover-field, in the darkness of its own cottage garden. Though it has lost all its fragrance, and every leaf of its branches is a stark white, it can still present a pair of great dark, shadowy leaves to a tender, young heart, whose troubles it used to inspire with its peculiar sweet perfume. That is its own, and it can never gain its other title.

It is a rose which grows alone, with one thing its sole delight:–the memory of a lover.

Next morning, in the garden, after breakfast, and after I had written a letter which I had forgotten to write the night before, I stepped back from the garden-wall, and looked over it, with its rose-garden lying before me.

The same, overhung, dull light as had filled it the night before lay thick upon the field, and sank, in the distance, through the silver-trees into the water of the stream. I could not see the water, or the island, but I knew that there would be no change. The earth and air were as heavy and thick as before; and there was no desire or intent to move or to stir; the nature of things had not altered.

The same cloud lay over the field and the island, and seemed to pass with the shadow, in the nearer atmosphere, over the path and over the garden wall, as it had before. I could hear nothing of human life; only I knew, all the same, that people walked in the distant streets of the town to and fro; the hollow claps of the shoes, the speaking, snatches of words, the idle voices of men and women at their workplaces–all these had ceased to catch my ear, and the silence that they engendered closed upon me; and I went back again to the only object which my eyes could make out in the darkness. The night before I had noted the footprints of the man who had cut the hay from the field the day before. He had put them carefully in a nameless direction, in the hope that it would be the path of the threshing-machine. I saw that he had only tried to follow the track that he had made; and, instead of going round the field, he had gone straight across it. That was all!

:: 11.08.2020 ::