He got on his donkey, brushed its shoulder with his hand, sighed and he said, “God bless the earth!”
It just blew him away when he woke up and started laughing.
Well, I’m going to hell.
“Uh huh. Jesus? What’s your name?”
“My name is… what’s yours? C’mon, it’s no big deal, I’m not here to save the world. I just wanted to make a quick buck on my vacation. If you guys can get through this [fake evil laughter]… what can I do for ya?”
“No, we’re not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. But we need some proof. It’s a simple thing. You have to kill a guy.”
“You sure this is the same crap you came up with?”
“Yeah, all that’s been said has been said, we got your back. Only you can’t kill the guy. No one can. He’s already dead.”
“Really? I thought there were cameras and all. I mean, I didn’t know about this.”
“There’s no cameras.”
“But they know something happened, you have to tell him we’re coming.”
“Well, how would I find the guy?”
“Find him yourself. Then I’m coming back in.”
“Really? Ok, I’ll do that, you bet. Ok, what’s the plan? What’s gonna happen?”
“We’re gonna sneak into his house and do the deed.”
“Really. Come on now, my donkey needs to go home, he’s exhausted. You guys go ahead, I’ll meet you back here tomorrow night.”
All of a sudden, a voice boomed through the silent night air.
“Hey, don’t do this. You’re gonna get us all killed!”
“You’re gonna pay. You’re gonna pay for what you did to me. I’m not dead yet. I’m coming back and you’re gonna die!”
A couple of dudes laughed and broke off a piece of wood. They went over to the guy.
“Here, you just kill him with this. Then we’ll hang him in the yard.”
“Ok, thanks a lot.”
They went to get the rope.
And then another voice boomed through the night air.
“You’re gonna have to kill him first. He’s not dead yet. I’m coming back.”
“Oh, really? Well, I’ll kill him. But first I need a smoke.”
Jesus walked to the edge of the porch, lit up a cigarette and listened to the laughter. And then, there were no more voices at all.
Everyone stopped laughing and just stared at the one man, waiting for him to speak.
Finally, a voice boomed through the night air.
“Don’t kill him. I’m coming back. You’ll get us all killed.”
“Oh, really? Well, what do you want? We can’t just let you walk all over us. I need to know what the hell you want before I kill you.”
The voice came back to life.
“I want to be the judge of what happens to you. I’m coming back.”
“Really?” Jesus was getting a little tired of this.
“Yes, really. You’ll regret this, you’ll see.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ll regret this. I’m coming back. I know what I’m talking about.”
“If you know what you’re talking about, how come you’re not the one in charge?”
“That’s simple. I’m coming back. And the person who’s leading this whole town has got to be punished.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, you know, I’m on my way back, and the next time I’m on the night shift I’ll be doing the night watch, right in the house that’s being prepared for you guys. See you tomorrow night. Goodbye.”
The footsteps faded away. The peat smoking stick was smoked out and left to burn in the darkness of the night air. Jesus stood there for a moment and stared into the dark night.
“Ok, the only way out is to kill him.”
He turned back to the others. “Guys, we have to do this.”
“I don’t know, but we’re going to do it. I have to, I can’t have them taking revenge.”
The guys left in a rush, probably trying to collect their cattle for the night.
And Jesus sat there alone, just staring at the darkness.