Category Archives: #akashic

Sex, Math And Fortnite

I went on a date last night. Before I tell you about that date, I want to tell you a story.

When I was a student at Northwestern University in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, I attended a fraternity party. One of the girls at the party was a freshman who had joined a sorority that week. She introduced herself and, over the course of the night, I learned that she was writing her thesis on evolutionary theory. When I asked her what she wanted to study, she said she was not sure. A while later, she said she was studying the evolution of sexual attractiveness. We got to talking about why some people look more attractive than others. To quote The Bachelor’s Bekah M., she said: “If it’s so easy to be attractive, then why is it that I’m not hot like all the other girls?”

I looked her dead in the eyes and, for the first time in my life, I said: “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?”

I have been seeing lots of college freshmen recently. Most of them have never seen themselves with a critical eye and they have never had a discussion about why some people look better than others. They think they have it all figured out, that they already know why they are attractive. However, in the span of a few weeks, most of them have learned that the mirror is a tricky place. People aren’t necessarily as beautiful as they believe. When a person stops being concerned with how they look, the only thing left to do is try to look better.

Don’t get me wrong, I have never told people that they are ugly. I haven’t been sure that this is a right thing to do. In the era of social media, it feels like all of us are constantly subjected to extreme angles of hair and butt, so I imagine most people take the advice of every Instagram photo as truth. At the same time, however, everyone I know who is single is obsessed with their looks. No one wants to hear that there is no such thing as “the perfect amount of muscle” or that a few extra pounds can even be a positive thing. I have yet to see someone not feel comfortable with their body after being told that it’s not a flaw. Most people know that their body is something that can work for them, something that they can get healthier and more in shape with time.

I’ve only ever heard this advice from the men in my life. My mom, for example, is forever yelling at me to “just stop eating so much candy.” I’m a hopeless romantic and I find myself sending love poems to people on Facebook. I can think of many girls who want to be ugly. In fact, in her latest book, Rainbow Rowell says, “Girls are all the time trying to be pretty, or to be liked, or to look right, or to prove something about their culture. We all are searching, in the way we are all inherently beautiful.”

But “beauty,” according to Rowell, “is about what lies between.” The saying has long been a popular one at Northwestern University. “If you’re beautiful on the inside,” someone would say to me in high school, “you’ll be beautiful on the outside.” And most of the time, this proved to be true. But I have also seen too many of my female classmates on those “best of looks” lists. To many of the people who tell us how beautiful we are, we are either “model-thin” or “in the mold.”

Sex, Math and Fortnite (part 03)

Our culture obsesses over finding the unattainable. Beauty feels like a competition. It’s as if we are being asked to justify why we are beautiful, like we are up for a popularity contest. People are constantly comparing us to other people we find unattainable. On the other hand, I’ve always felt that the standards placed on us are unfair. Girls are continuously told that they should be “a size two.” It isn’t right to judge a person based on their body. I believe that beauty should not be judged based on one’s self-image, but on who that person is on the inside.

Some people have it worse than others. Some of us have suffered from eating disorders. It is a misconception that you cannot become healthy and be thin and still be beautiful. I know I am still physically attractive, but I no longer try to be beautiful on the outside. I make it a point to not walk around wearing a red wig. It makes no sense that our culture is not OK with us being happy with who we are.

:: 09.28.2020 ::


OVER BORDERS OVER FRONTIERS

WITHIN the empire of my love & heart
within all things: so fly and kiss
all i am — within this empire
of visual senses/within all cities\
upon every blade of everglade
all the light all the fun from sun
i say: we are a people worthy of this
–holding out our hands:
upon the desert below the deep blue
ice above the rarest air i feel people
rising within the cities singing:
‘we are a people rising within the world
: a people worth love and care’

‘there is a people worth more than this
so hear me singing — all the angels and
all the devils around us can you see? there
is a people worth more than this who understands’

i say Life is the first gift
love is the second,
and understanding behind compassion

:: 07.16.2020 ::


UNLOVED LIBRA LIFE

i was seemingly me: walking down the plank
boards of society: nothing glows brighter than
bitter symphony awakened to the
light of love ==
i can hear the most
i can change the most

So i praised the long journey
believing everything so finished
so its just the beginning
NEVER saying what i hear from the woods
/seeds of birth\
i have never died an unlived life
Cherubs eating orchid flowers
bizardley arranged : i shall never
draw aside the veil of love,

TO BE UNDERSTOOD
is greatering than understanding

:: 07.15.2020 ::


A HUNDRED POEMS – VI

SEAS undulate a heavy wave
I see —
one too late
my fall-season life save
what a tear
— in that vast ocean
one who counts such sorrow
HE knows — comfort come
my seas pull me in that satin
bed sheets to eternally sleep

:: 03-13-2014 ::


i AM THE ONE

i am the focus
of this space ___
a mote of dust
with memory
in its place
i am the big reveal
all within and
without myself
i allow the sun to fall
and the moon to take
its place

tough and strong
i could fall for you
if not for where i’ve been
it’s everywhere
in every way
with every song
with every word
spoken to my face.

i am the one known
in every language
i am the one love
and hated by all
the human race

I AM THE THOUGHT THAT GREW
FROM ALL OF TIME AND SPACE.

:: 08-11-2018 ::


EXILED

I have become the exiled
in sleep i have become
not the disappeared
but one who shrinks into
a height of awareness.

An awareness as sharp as
fractured obsidian.

And within the silky-touch
moments of suffering inner
journeys my soul rejects
all coherent reason –
leave!

Exiled consciousness slips
from subjectivity into a
gaping eternal void
of abstract form; The First
Land where numbers, thoughts,
and intangibles are born
and return to rest when over-
used.

And tonight as in all previous
nights it is sleep which has
exiled me from body.

To shrink into pure consciousness.

Freedom.

:: 04-02-2018 ::


JUST THIS ONE UNIVERSE

JUST THIS ONE UNIVERSE.png


IF IS BIG BUT LOVE BIGGER

THERE, the hunger! When (sometimes i
never wish them) TH0UGHTS are born
i open my mouth to DEVOUR THE WORLD
in all it’s strange tastes || the how
is less strange as why –> ghosts like
me!  I am the rare paranormal flesh
that sees and feels since I once read
the Book of Knowledge (elseWhere) and it
burned my brain and soul in the Akashic
Library — the garden is beautiful and the air
has music within it’s space and light is living
and souls sprout up from the ground like children
grinning for a kiss!

:: 07-18-2015 ::