Category Archives: #peace

Sex, Math And Fortnite

I went on a date last night. Before I tell you about that date, I want to tell you a story.

When I was a student at Northwestern University in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, I attended a fraternity party. One of the girls at the party was a freshman who had joined a sorority that week. She introduced herself and, over the course of the night, I learned that she was writing her thesis on evolutionary theory. When I asked her what she wanted to study, she said she was not sure. A while later, she said she was studying the evolution of sexual attractiveness. We got to talking about why some people look more attractive than others. To quote The Bachelor’s Bekah M., she said: “If it’s so easy to be attractive, then why is it that I’m not hot like all the other girls?”

I looked her dead in the eyes and, for the first time in my life, I said: “Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?”

I have been seeing lots of college freshmen recently. Most of them have never seen themselves with a critical eye and they have never had a discussion about why some people look better than others. They think they have it all figured out, that they already know why they are attractive. However, in the span of a few weeks, most of them have learned that the mirror is a tricky place. People aren’t necessarily as beautiful as they believe. When a person stops being concerned with how they look, the only thing left to do is try to look better.

Don’t get me wrong, I have never told people that they are ugly. I haven’t been sure that this is a right thing to do. In the era of social media, it feels like all of us are constantly subjected to extreme angles of hair and butt, so I imagine most people take the advice of every Instagram photo as truth. At the same time, however, everyone I know who is single is obsessed with their looks. No one wants to hear that there is no such thing as “the perfect amount of muscle” or that a few extra pounds can even be a positive thing. I have yet to see someone not feel comfortable with their body after being told that it’s not a flaw. Most people know that their body is something that can work for them, something that they can get healthier and more in shape with time.

I’ve only ever heard this advice from the men in my life. My mom, for example, is forever yelling at me to “just stop eating so much candy.” I’m a hopeless romantic and I find myself sending love poems to people on Facebook. I can think of many girls who want to be ugly. In fact, in her latest book, Rainbow Rowell says, “Girls are all the time trying to be pretty, or to be liked, or to look right, or to prove something about their culture. We all are searching, in the way we are all inherently beautiful.”

But “beauty,” according to Rowell, “is about what lies between.” The saying has long been a popular one at Northwestern University. “If you’re beautiful on the inside,” someone would say to me in high school, “you’ll be beautiful on the outside.” And most of the time, this proved to be true. But I have also seen too many of my female classmates on those “best of looks” lists. To many of the people who tell us how beautiful we are, we are either “model-thin” or “in the mold.”

Sex, Math and Fortnite (part 03)

Our culture obsesses over finding the unattainable. Beauty feels like a competition. It’s as if we are being asked to justify why we are beautiful, like we are up for a popularity contest. People are constantly comparing us to other people we find unattainable. On the other hand, I’ve always felt that the standards placed on us are unfair. Girls are continuously told that they should be “a size two.” It isn’t right to judge a person based on their body. I believe that beauty should not be judged based on one’s self-image, but on who that person is on the inside.

Some people have it worse than others. Some of us have suffered from eating disorders. It is a misconception that you cannot become healthy and be thin and still be beautiful. I know I am still physically attractive, but I no longer try to be beautiful on the outside. I make it a point to not walk around wearing a red wig. It makes no sense that our culture is not OK with us being happy with who we are.

:: 09.28.2020 ::


LITTLE PIECES OF ME

i was tipsy-topsy turvy thinking
like a dreamy breakin’ heart
if you every go; so like me lonely
–you like my jealously had a temper
and possess love –>like i hated you
be free it’s me without anger ; when it
gets down it gets deeply lonely — pink
frustration and low-granted trees-tree! No one will see it my
Way: it’s me with a high root and low canopy
so like me without the anger — fool…
a free wish of winds — allow the free
moments come forth –>…..no anger.
when it gets down it gets lonely
some kind’a lost; what a mantra my monster
what a ‘coming back’ to push back — so you see i am me without
Seeing all that anger once around me: makes me mad made me sad
and sadder until i broke into little Pieces of Me.

it is a Crime to Break Down
while Saving Souls

:: 05.14.2020 ::


TO A PREGNANT THOUGHT

IF the trees and green pasteurs
find you;
if as when we sat upon a spot
splashed by sunshine then; who
could taste the touch
of Love than most nevered
heard nor seen?
Then come toward me and reach out
we will talk about small things
relieving the Heart of it’s
burdens.

Nature Agrees.

:: 05.07.2020 ::


UNTIL & i FEEL

i dream in prose
my mind the inkwell
my life the quill
(so human)
i suppose the unreal
until and i feel
a certain disregard
here…
Until she; the waking
dream, comes to me with
a song
within her bosom
until then and then
i write my prose
(to the world) with
mind and suppose the unreal
until and i feel.

:: ~~ ::


TO HAVE SEEN THE PATH BEYOND THE VEIL, APPREHENSIVELY

TO have seen the path beyond the veil, apprehensively
somewhere I have walked, the promise within those eyes
of you and their silence:  the strongest-frail wish
by pursed lips of gesture are things that invite me,
but as perfect as a star too far to have ever touched

and intellect and that beauty and richest soul tells me
you can easily unclose me like the sun to a rose whose
petals are saved by a grand presence of golden light
that if, by chance, my heart has not already made flight
toward the sun in all my delirious wishful needs!

but if (which is a big sounding word “IF”) we choose
to be together like space and time which if i were
that rose would beautifully invite entwined meaning
:to include love — which glues all the scattering
unimaginable pieces of all things into one

i would wish and might and say and sing:

“Marigold!  Marigold!  What richest color that touches
me and my soul!”

:: 07-16-2015 ::