What have I said about our being soon together? It is to be believed–I hope?
Oh, what shall I do? What shall I say to you? . . . What a drama that was! . . . What sorrow! What a struggle! . . . Let’s not quarrel. May we not look only at each other for the next few days–rather let us drink in the smile of another face–let us speak so much that we forget ourselves and know of one another–there can be no sorrow, and no conflict, between friendship and love–Be so affectionate with one another as to command the two horses which are at our command to walk at a good rate–may we be only an ordinary pair of travelers, who will so walk, who will speak of ordinary things–may we have no crises, no pain, no affliction, no complaints–may we walk, walk and talk, walk and talk with one another–and thus never part–that is all I ask of you now–only to be with me–to love me with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind.
If you love me this much, this is enough, it’s enough, is it not? There is no room for anything else, if you love me.
I hope and desire that you love me as much as I do. If you cannot love me, I will never allow you to act in that way. If you have some special love for me, I shall always know it. I hope you will come as quickly as possible–that is what I desire. In return, let me tell you: it’s not that I want you to go away from me; I can always go with you–because I feel safe with you–you are the only sure security for my peace of mind. If you were no longer my confidant, my protector and my friend, I should not care a damn for myself.
Friend, you are the only great woman in my life. I have no one else. You are the mother of my dreams, the model of my life, the only model of my life–and you know it; I have only my home, a ruined country, as far as the edge of a dreaming frontier, from which to express my unhappiness. Oh, how I would be glad, if I could, to choose a woman–a wife!–just for myself–a good woman, rich in virtues and great respectability–but, alas, that is of no interest to me. I will not take advantage of your good nature to seek out other women. This is the limit of my sacrifice. I want no other joy. I don’t need them. I am not seeking something for myself, no–it’s that no one else should love me as you do, as I do you.
:: 08.07.2021 ::