Tag Archives: #dead

Racing the hesitating sun

Racing the hesitating sun

They leave it in the dust when i am a dirty lost boy. Uprising cumulonimbus towers
Clearly indicating showers to drown all the growing flowers aAnd flood the ground
with their power winds blowing from the east
Cold and warm air mingling Like ghosts dueling with the living the air feels fuzzy
and strange Something evil is coming
Curling leaves and swelling wood ..The trees can feel it too \It’s in their roots
and in my blood Quickly pushing its way through This is not good
A storm is beginning to stew Rain announces its arrival
On pitter patter stomp stomp feet Whispering gently from the sky
Before knocking loudly at the window
Begging to come in, OH WON’T YOU LET ME IN
Flooding my doorstep with darkness Eyes open

Lightning volleys down from the sky Searing my eyes with its image
It scrapes its long fingers down my window What is light and what is dark?
My lungs are being crushed from the inside I am falling I am falling
Let the currents take me Eyes shut Silence
Beautiful unknowing No harsh flashing
The clouds are receding trees not reaching for me
No more water between my fingertips
No more wondering what I might lose
Welcoming the cool shiver and soft echoing ripples
I drift back into dreamland into darkness into night Sweet peace.
Gates of Eden

Rosemary was resting quietly in her bed when she was awakened by the most wonderful sound she could ever imagine, her mother’s laughter.
The sound cut through the night like a ray of sunlight, bathing everything in radiant warmth.
Her eyes sprung open and she turned to look at her mother as she bustled around the room.
She was giggling and bouncing her hips as she prepared breakfast for the family.
“I’m fixing sausage gravy and biscuits, Mom!
Is there anything else you need?”
Rosemary rubbed her eyes and yawned.
She wondered what could have possibly woken her so early.
She had only opened her eyes an instant before.
“Actually, there is.” Her mom replied and then popped a piece of sausage in her mouth.
“We have company.” She winked at Rosemary and continued, “They’re coming right now.”
Rosemary slowly sat up in bed.
Her heart was beating rapidly, almost out of control, but she tried to remain calm.
“Is everything okay?” She asked, her voice beginning to rise in panic.
“I hope so.
I hope so.” Her mom responded as she brought the frying pan of sausage gravy and biscuits over to the table and set it down.
“Pour me a cup of coffee, will ya?”
Rosemary quickly found the coffee can and poured her mom a cup before bringing the pot back to her.
“Here ya go, Ma.
Drink up.
I hope you have a wonderful time.”
“Oh, Rosemary, I’m so excited.
I haven’t seen her in so long!” She said as she sipped on her coffee.
Rosemary’s heart felt like it was going to break out of her chest.
She was jumping around, unable to hold her tears in.
She could not believe her mom’s reaction.
She was jumping and wiggling and squealing and hugging her mother.
“Mom, she said her name was Rosemary.” She sobbed and clung to her mom for dear life.
Her mom looked at her in confusion.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” She said softly.
Rosemary looked into her mother’s eyes, the tears still flowing down her cheeks.
“Do you remember my friend?
She used to live here?”
Her mother reached across the table and took her daughter’s hands in hers.
“Yes, Rosemary, I remember her very well.
We’ve been friends a long time.
What is this all about?
Is she OK?”
Rosemary nodded her head.
“I’m sure she is.
She was here the day your daddy and I got married, you know.
She came to the church.
She said she wanted to come and meet the young man I was going to marry.
Isn’t that strange?”
“That she would remember that far back and the fact that she came to meet him, well, that’s something else all together.” She agreed.
Rosemary let go of her mother’s hands and began walking back and forth in front of the kitchen table.
She began to wiggle her hips and bounce her shoulders.
“She was here, Mom.
Her name was Rosemary.
She and I used to play together. Remember?”

“Yes, I remember.
She has been living with her Aunt and Uncle.
They moved to Louisiana a few years back.
She had no one here, so we thought it best for her to come and stay with us.
It was so sad to see her so upset.
She has a beautiful red wagon that your daddy made for her.
You loved that wagon, didn’t you Rosemary?”
“We used to have so much fun playing on it.
We used to pretend we were in an old western movie.
We would sit on it and have tea parties.

You’d bring us cake and cookies and we’d just pretend.
Remember, Mom?”
“I can’t believe you remembered.
I’ve tried to forget.”
“Well, I know you have, but I remember.
I remember all the fun we had.” Rosemary’s face was bright red from embarrassment.

“But, she was here, Ma, I know she was.
I saw her.
She was in the garden, Mama, and she looked just like me.”
Her mother closed her eyes, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Rosemary, honey, she’s gone.
You know she is.”

“Oh, she’s dead, isn’t she?
Just like Pa, she died in the war,” Rosemary said, chocking back a sob.
“I’m so sorry, honey.” She sat down and put her arm around Rosemary and held her for several minutes.
Finally she pulled her daughter close to her and held her tightly.

“Rosemary, we need to tell you about this.

Now, I want you to put your arms around your daddy and tell him all this.”
Rosemary began to sob as she hugged her daddy.
Her mother turned her head and kissed him on the cheek.
“I can’t imagine how awful that must have been for you, Daddy.
I know this must be very difficult for you to share with our Rosemary.”
“Rosemary, listen to me, you must remember what this wonderful woman looked like.
Can you remember?”
“She was old, Mama, very old.
I was sad to see her go, but I know she is at peace now.”
“It is very hard for a child to understand that, but I think she was able to die with as much peace as you could wish for.
She died the same way as your Pa, without any pain.”
“No, not like Pa. He was in pain and he died with some of that pain.”

“Daddy, she wasn’t sick.
She was just old.
She was the grandother I’ve always loved.”
“What is your Grandma Rosemary’s name?”
“My grandmother?
My mother’s mother?
Rosemary Johnson is her name.”
“Yes, that’s it, but what is her real name?”
“Her name was Lydia.
I guess I forgot.
You know Grandma Rosemary never told us, but Lydia never told us, either.”

“Are you sure she never told you?

Perhaps it’s something you wish to remember.”

“I just thought she told us because we are named after her.

She never really told us anything.

We never really knew her.

It was always just about my mother.

She talked all the time about Grandma Rosemary and how much she loved her and all.”

“You know, Lydia could be right.

You should be able to remember more about her.

You need to know what kind of woman she was.

Do you remember any stories about her?”

Rosemary’s face turned red and she buried her head in her daddy’s chest.

“No, I don’t remember any stories.”

“Well, remember she had a rose garden in her back yard.

We lived on a farm and had several gardens.

It was her flowers she loved.”

“Yes, I remember the roses.

She always had beautiful roses.”

“That’s because she loved you very much.

She was a wonderful person and I’m so sorry she died.”

“It’s hard to forget how much she loved me.”

“Lydia was a special woman and she loved you very much, Rosemary.

She would be so proud to know you remember her


L I S T E N

Listen. Today i lost my voice — it left upward looking for my mind.
sometimes the strangeness of Life becomes reality and nothing more.
today i found myself within a garden of snakes and meat-devouring
plants. If not for the purple skies it would have been a wasted
experience. Meeting God was an experience before i found myself
inside a fetus that became my physical body.
the doves sang a brilliant but sometimes somber song;
peace of a piece so small it became nothing before i could
touch it’s sharp and exquisite edge.
Listen.
Today i lost my mind.
and my voice flew downward looking for sanity.

:: 09.11.2020 ::


DEPARTURE (EPROBLES)

i met my mind inside a hampering down
across the skies of my expansive face
those elder souls we never see came to me
and you: in dreams. i allow the sun to
beat down upon my face and breath its winds
: the elder race
spoke from atop the
clouds singing everything
to be revealed in time.
I was strong and stressed
for not a word i heard or note
oh oh oh — the skies scream
horns and unusual things.
ooooooh. Yea. I am blind.
Everything seen is within my
eyes you sang/bled /visions
gleam in every air.
try to find you
try to recapture everything
had/ far sounds of cities,
in early evening: within
that place of yellow desert
scream//so much so and so
everything known

:: 07.31.2020 ::


POLYGON

Polly gone
oh polygon
what quadri-
laterals you
possess!

two-dimensional
(go) figure made
up of straight sides
(besides myself)
oh Polly’s gone
prolly so i still see
your shadows within
my head but full fleshed
within my beating heart

is why Polly’s gone
oh polygon what quadri-
laterals you possess!

:: 07.21.2020 ::


COME BACK DOWN (from this cloud)

\what of love? What of hate?
i say no word as no one knows
shall see & feel the (k)not —
of what i need___
grinning and begging
are hands-machine-like
hearts of no good too
quick i know this !
oh never coming down
from this cloud; is hands
is work since born is good
//so should’a so should have
-things nothing i say
a pregnant size of one good
Yes completely Kind____this
immeasurable anguish like the
scent of summer flowers of always
their flowers of stone so silently
singing.

:: 07.03.2020 ::


BRAIN TRAFFIC

It’s a complicated world
ruled by pain and fear
Everything’s ‘will you swim
or will you fade’
the smallest things
hold us back
the madness outside
these walls
are nothing compared
to what’s within my halls

Brain traffic: s/o confused
grid-locked & neurotically fused
Drain my Soul
Brain traffic: over/used
fear-porn-fed till your dead
then Life’s on hold
it’s all Inside your head
BRAIN DEAD.

:: 03.27.2020 ::


MY FRIENDS

AND if I ever call you
my friend ~
Tears and weak knees my love
Whenever I begin
my eyes cry and a hard
shoulder forever!
And now I dream my love
I begin to undrstand all
all within your eyes!
And now I know my life is more
and in every moment there is
a reason to carry on! Oh!
Sweet love! It’s a miracle
and a beautiful sight —
\ and if when I ever call
you friend; here we are
for ever and ever
— forever and ever like
a dream kissed; and now
I know my life has given me
more than a sweet dream.
And that is everything I dreamed
And now I know life has given
me more than memories!
A reason to carry on!
So now, within the sea of love
we all wish to swim in life
— so call me. call me.

OH, everyone call me.
I think I have the heart
to heart your love.
So love. Love me.
I love you.

:: 12-16-2017 ::


BETTER OFF DEAD

i’ve been splitting rocks
in a prison suit
of life and what i think:
you know who you are
and when you come home
it’s one thing i have learned
you’d be better off if
you were dead

Like weather patterns of hurricanes
and a messy heart
like if the sun set and
the moon was so brighter
i smell corruption of nature
so i think you are better off
if dead: and your cold hands
against my heart makes me
want to die: got no fear,
have no reason to climb out
of this freak hole of love

and i think you’d be better
off if you were DEAD

:: 08-05-2015 ::


IF I PRETEND I’M DEAD

IF i pretend i don’t care
yeah
if i pretend i’m dead
yeah
i don’t have to go out
on the town tonight
come on come on come on
i’m on my period and i’m
bleeding from my eyes
so leave me alone to die
if i pretend i don’t care
what’s going down
and the man who stalks me
i pretend i am dying
so dead i’m so white
you could dance with a
mannequin and you’ll
see i’m so dead
so i pretend i’m so cold
so dead so mannequin
maybe a freak could take me
but i’m so dead i don’t care
just let me bleed away
in all my pain

:: 07-30-2015 ::


SOME THINGS ARE MORE DEAD

In my mind I am DEAD
they speaking after-life
of never-lived and now
I am the jealous-Spirit
wishing life had loved
a broken little boy
that had been!
Where are you mother
and father?
the Deadest
been!

:: 05-12-2015 ::